Notes From The Hole

In Which I Feel Like Cassandra

2009-04-25T13:12:00.002-04:00

About a year and a half ago, right as this whole economic down turn was getting well under way, someone asked me what I thought. I said, "It could be worse" and then explained how.

Imagine, if you will, a country like the US, with no real free health care. Now, a large number of people, particularly the lest well off, are without jobs and now, without health care. And a pandemic disease of some sort hits.

I thought, surely this will not happen.

And then this morning, I check the BBC headlines, as I always do, and what do I see?

This.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be feeling very edgy and paranoid, and disinfecting everything I own.

RIP Sir Jefferey Hudson

2009-04-20T20:34:00.003-04:00

RIP Sir Jefferey Hudson: A dwarf presented in a pie to King Charles I. 1619-1682.

Isn't this reason enough to get a PhD in history focused on early modern Europe? And was he knighted before or after he was baked in a pie?

Btw, if you want to know the real story click here.

A Change of Vector

2009-04-14T00:41:00.003-04:00

Well, its official now.

Monday April 13 th, I turned in my paperwork stating that I accept a position at GSU's history department as a PhD student.

That's right. GSU came through with funding enough that it gives me incentive to stay. A GTA assistantship, and tuition waiver. While slightly less than what U of SC offered, it is enough that I still stay in the positive for staying here. And this way I do not have to move, find a new place to live, etc.

Surprisingly, the decision to change majors wasn't that hard. Part of me struggled with it for a few days, but in my heart, I really do feel I am still doing the same work, regardless of what department. At least this way people will not keep telling me to ignore obvious connections.

So, history. And staying in Atlanta, and at GSU.

It's Not Human

2009-04-06T10:41:00.002-04:00

A bald, child-like creature dangles its legs from a chair as its shoulders rise and fall with rythmic breathing and its black eyes follow movements across the room.
It's not human -- but it is paying attention.
Below the soft silicon skin of one of Japan's most sophisticated robots, processors record and evaluate information. The 130-cm (four-foot, four-inch) humanoid is designed to learn just like a human infant.

Meet the Child-robot with Biomimetic Body

Many people who have observed this robot find it outright creepy - it is very deep into the uncanny valley, I will give it that. However, the approach they are taking to teach the robot to recognize facial expressions, human contact, and voices is very interesting. Particularly nice is the fact it has learned to walk like a real human child would - by observation and mimicry. These researchers are on to something big.

Zul

2009-03-13T03:06:00.002-04:00

Mu

2009-03-07T03:12:00.002-05:00

The lonely time
Sings this to heaven
we are not I
this is clear

I've run my hands across heaven
felt the braille of the night
awoken empty-handed

What is the sound
of the blossom falling
?
whisper to my heart

empty eyes closed
tears of blood
I see the sun
laughing

Kinda

2009-03-05T04:52:00.003-05:00

Spring break has always been weird for me. For most of them, I've been away somewhere, doing something. But since I've been in grad school, not so much. Now, its a time I feel ... lost? I wrote most of my thesis during my last spring break. I had a drive and purpose then, but still felt this same feeling. I don't know what to call it.

My sleep schedule is shot. When left without places to go, my sleep schedule drifts around to a rotating cycle of naps and sleep, mostly out of an inability to stay focused or awake for any length of time beyond a few hours. Yet I've been awake now 16 hours, and I'm going to try for 22 if not 24 if I can. (I may nap a bit). Sleep is a dark pit I lose time to.

I've been reading Plato, between reading fanfic and Jordan, and remembering why I enjoy his work. You have to work at it to get it.

I joined the Hume Society on a whim.

Realized I hadn't actually bout Nine Inch Nail's Year Zero (I had the remix album, but not the original, wtf?) so I did. Listened to it all the way through. Remembered why I love NIN and its music. Hit up remix.nin.com and fell in love all over again. This gem, is love: A Warm Place (illum tangendo) Remix Stella Katsoudas (aka Stella Soleil). I cannot express how much I love that version of this song. The lyrics MAKE it.

Water rolls down the skin like tiny beads
Eyes close so that they might see
Illum tangendo
This sun is a star in someone elses's sky
Illum tangendo
This moon is making someone cry
Illum tangendo

And it made me remember, that tiny whisper, that phrase I always remember.

The best thing about life
Is knowing you put it together

And so now I'm sitting, trying to stay awake, watching time pass.

There is a change coming. Or is there?

Back From Las Vegas

2009-02-23T20:59:00.000-05:00

Went to Las Vegas. Back now.

Was sick. Better now.

Running Tally

2009-02-10T00:37:00.006-05:00

Ok, I thought I'd go ahead and post this. Here is the running tally of my rejections / accepteds to PhD programs

Rice - Rejected
Kentucky - Accepted, full funding
UNM - Rejected
SIU:Carbondale - Accepted without funding
IU:Bloominton - Rejected
U of SC - Accepted, full funding
GSU (History) - Pending

The deal at U of SC is sweet - and I will probably take it. Waiting to hear from others though.

I dropped off the last of my materials by hand for GSU today, so hopefully I will hear soon from them.

We need a test for this?

2009-01-25T19:00:00.003-05:00

My Political Views
I am a left social libertarian
Left: 3.96, Libertarian: 6.24

Political Spectrum Quiz

Really? Like I didn't already know this. Actually, if anything, I'd say I'm even MORE to the left than that would tell you, and further down in Libertarian. Socialist Anarchist Libertarian - At your service.

Sonne

2009-01-25T05:02:00.002-05:00

sie wird heut Nacht nicht untergehen
und die Welt z�hlt laut bis zehn

Eins
Hier kommt die Sonne
Zwei
Hier kommt die Sonne
Drei
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Vier
Und wird nie vom Himmel fallen
F�nf
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sechs
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sieben
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Acht , neun
Hier kommt die Sonne

Lyrics �2001 Rammstein.

2009 - What I want for yearmass

2009-01-05T15:10:00.002-05:00

Since everyone else in the blog-o-sphere is doing it, why the hell not.

What I want from 2009.

1) To not accumulate any more chronic health conditions. I HAVE ENOUGH. THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE. SCREW YOU.

2) For everyone in my family / friend-o-sphere to stay happy, healthy, and alive. I almost made it a year without a significant death/illness/injury in that realm (two or three of you bastards come to mind, you know who you are). Let's make it another, shall we?

3) To get into a PhD program that 1) is a good fit, 2) is somewhere I like, 3) isn't horrible to live near, and 4) is somewhere that erik can get a job. I'll take three out of four, if I can't get all four.

4) To actually revamp my web space. Yeah, I'm lazy.

5) To get summer extension on my VI contract. Cmon, yall KNOW you want me to teach this summer...

6) To get published in something. Anything. Even if its Playboy (actually that would be awesome. They are a pretty good publishing credit.)

7) To write something worth a damn. Anything. See above.

8) For the final Wheel of Time book to come out, and be good.

9) To leave a lasting impression on my department. One way or another. I've been here for 10 years. They better remember me when I'm gone.

10) To make one new friend, and keep every one I already have. That sounds simple, but it's not really. Trust me.

All is Quiet

2009-01-01T03:51:00.004-05:00

I do this every new year's day. Every year a new lyric seems to stand out for me. This year, all I can say is - all is quiet. The world is holding its breath. We wait for one era to end, and another to begin. The world economy is in free fall, yet perhaps not nearly as bad as it could be. Two wars are in limbo, one nearly forgotten in the shadow of another. And a thousand other conflicts rage, some small, some large. All seemingly with a life of their own. A friend will be losing his house soon because of his stupid parents over buying and over spending, believing in a dream of consumerism that cannot be continued sold to them by companies which believed their own lies. Hundreds of thousands of other families are just like his. Closer to home, I'm waiting, struggling, trying to get where I want to be. I don't know if I will ever make it. It seems so much is beyond our control.

But nothing can be done today. Today, we sit, and wait, and hope.

All is quiet on new years day,
A world in white gets underway,
And I want to be with you,
Be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on new years day.
I will be with you again.
I will be with you again.

Under a blood-red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white.
Arms entwined, the chosen few,
Newspapers say, it says its true.
And we can break through,
Though torn in two we can be one.
I will begin again, I will begin again.
Oh and maybe the time is right,
Oh maybe tonight.
I will be with you again.
I will be with you again.

And so we are told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage.
Though I want to be with you,
To be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on new years day.

- U2 "New Years Day"

2008
2007 - no post
2006
2005 - no post
2004
2003

Winter

2008-12-22T14:56:00.003-05:00

Academic Joke:
Q: When is a break not a break?
A: When you're filling out graduate school applications.

Hi folks - Yet another long delayed update on my part. The semester is over, and all seems to have gone well. I never quite realized the SLEW of paperwork that my end of semester generated until I was doing it for 200 students. Whew!

In the middle of all of this, I've got my graduate school apps well in hand. After a few minor break downs along the way, I realize I need to set my goals lower, and I'm applying to some much less well known departments. Who knows, this year might be the one! I'm still having some minor anxiety attacks about the whole thing (SHIT MOVING AGAIN SHIT SHIT SHIT) but they seem to all be relegated to worldly rather than academic things.

Let's see.

I'm still playing Warhammer Online, and loving it. After TWO fucking server moves, my order guild Blackwood Company has settled down on Phoenix Throne. My White Lion is a blast to play, especially with all the ORVR I've been doing. I'm still guildless on my Destro characters, but that's not really been a problem so far. My DoK and BG are both sooo much fun! I gave up on my Squiggy though.

Also still on FFXI. Windy Warriors LS took a shit dive, but the survivors of my group now have our own private social LS that we hang out on. Now that classes are over, I've been able to spend a lot more time back in game, and I've started doing the Wings of the Goddess story line. OMG! So much fun!

In other news, a few weeks ago I guest starred on R&D with my friends Rob and Dan. You guys should be listening to that podcast, even when I'm not on it, dear readers, because it is good.

In other news, you should be following Wolven on twitter, because, like his LiveJournal, his twitter feed is full of win. And you should be following me too, but you already know this.

Last thing. Thus far, the Xmass curse has been minimal in damage. Yah, bad things have happened, but nothing too bad so far. Four more days. Ugh. I hate this time of year!

2008-11-08T00:30:00.000-05:00

On And On

2008-11-03T18:23:00.002-05:00

So, the semester continues. I've been grading papers for most of the last month. Will probably be for another week.

I'm still loving every day of teaching. Seriously, let me do this for the rest of my life, and I will be happy. Who ever thought I would say that? I wonder, really, if you told me I'd be doing this 15 years ago, if I wouldn't have just laughed in your face.

Currently, I'm reading a great book, The Psychology of Religion, by Walter Houston Clark. Yes, THAT W. H. Clark, famous for his work with LSD and Religious Experience. This is an earlier work, but still very interesting to me. Stay tuned, I'll probably have more academic things to say about it at a later date.

In other news, I'm retaking the GRE. First retake went miserably, an 1110. I take it again in a few weeks, hopefully to get the 1400 + I would like. While a great many of the programs I'm applying to do not require the GRE (MIT, many Canadian schools), many do (Harvard), so a good GRE score is a major step. My last round of applying was with a 1380 and 5.5 Analytic scores, hopefully this time those latter scores will be higher at least.

Been enjoying Warhammer in my spare time. Quite a fun game, good for a few short hours of face smashing every night. Final Fantasy XI still eats my weekends, however, when grading isn't.

TTFN all. Here are some Donut.

MAKE: Spy vs. Spy

2008-10-31T12:16:00.002-04:00

As if you guys didnt already know I was leg humpingly in love with all things Spy vs Spy, here's more proof. This month's MAKE magazine is all spy tech. And what's on the cover?! My beloved spies!

What if the Presidential Campaign Was D'n'D Night

2008-10-23T17:15:00.001-04:00

Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly

Seriously, one of the funniest things I've read in YEARS. A sample:

HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?

MCCAIN: Hilary, we've been over this.

HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.

KUCINICH: IM A BARD

OBAMA: That's nice.

KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD

MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA

HILARY: C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?

MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.

OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.

Now if only they were playing Warhammer....

SSSPHHHSH

2008-10-17T18:09:00.003-04:00

I usually don't talk politics on this blog, preferring to talk about the economy, stupid policy, and other more important things, but I thought I should point something out.

The Chicago Tribune has endorsed Obama.

Now, that probably doesn't mean anything to most of you, unless you know a bit about the Tribune. This is the first Democratic candidate they have ever supported - in 161 years. One of their founders, Joseph Medill, was one of the founders of the Republican Party.

When I saw this on my news feed, I literally did a spit take. It was like reading that the Lincoln Memorial came to life and was chasing Bush through the streets of DC. Except not that funny of a mental image.

Anyway, to detract from the seriousness and all the politicallyness, here's what is still my favorite YouTube Video ever.

Giant spider tries to eat STS-122. Not really.

Broken Koans

2008-10-14T12:44:00.002-04:00

This page has had me in uproarious giggles on a day that hasn't been that great. The best part is I recognize several of their sources, and know the Koans which are being parodied for many of them.

Example

A monk asked Joshu: "Has a dog Buddha-nature or not?" Joshu answered: "Moo."

And this one has me laughing just because of what a horrible CIS geek I am

A student attempted to write an app to interpret the I Ching, but the app did not work. Approaching the master, the student asked, "Does the PolyLine object have Buddha Nature?" And the master spoke with wisdom of RoundRects and filled regions. The student said: "Now I understand Bresenham's Algorithm."

At this, the master unplugged the student's computer.

And this, simply because its great commentary

One afternoon a student said "Roshi, I don't really understand what's going on. I mean, we sit in zazen and we gassho to each other and everything, and Felicia got enlightened when the bottom fell out of her water-bucket, and Todd got enlightened when you popped him one with your staff, and people work on koans and get enlightened, but I've been doing this for two years now, and the koans don't make any sense, and I don't feel enlightened at all! Can you just tell me what's going on?"

"Well you see," Roshi replied, "for most people, and especially for most educated people like you and I, what we perceive and experience is heavily mediated, through language and concepts that are deeply ingrained in our ways of thinking and feeling. Our objective here is to induce in ourselves and in each other a psychological state that involves the unmediated experience of the world, because we believe that that state has certain desirable properties. It's impossible in general to reach that state through any particular form or method, since forms and methods are themselves examples of the mediators that we are trying to avoid. So we employ a variety of ad hoc means, some linguistic like koans and some non-linguistic like zazen, in hopes that for any given student one or more of our methods will, in whatever way, engender the condition of non-mediated experience that is our goal. And since even thinking in terms of mediators and goals tends to reinforce our undesirable dependency on concepts, we actively discourage exactly this kind of analytical discourse."

And the student was enlightened.

Some days, a cigar is only a cigar. Some days, its a koan in the making.

Karma

2008-10-11T22:59:00.002-04:00

Your actions turn conquest to dust.
In portents of fate, you foolishly place trust.
Sense fear in your broken breathing.
Resort to shadows till your body expires.
All creation has the promise of heaven,
and still you travel the road to hell.
I'm saying nothing for the good of myself,
but I'm still talking and you're not listening.

-VnV Nation "Chrome"

I stopped talking a long time ago. And the things I said would happen, are.

LOLSpy

2008-10-11T14:15:00.001-04:00

Red Power!

2008-10-08T21:35:00.001-04:00

Stress - I love You

2008-10-07T19:01:00.003-04:00

So, an update. Midterms are past. 200 students is a HUGE number. Grading that many exams in 10 days is a nightmare. Grading that many papers is going to be crazy.

I LOVE IT. I love getting up every morning, even Fridays! I love it! This is what I want to do the rest of my life!

In other news, grad school applications continue to happen. Taking the GRE in a few weeks (old scores finally expired this year). Bleh. I suck at such exams.

Warhammer Online is eating my life. Final Fantasy is still eating my life.

And I'm thinking about a new podcast.

Storm's Edge

2008-09-29T15:35:00.003-04:00

The Coming Storm

I made this post in JUNE of this year. I've been saying similar things for at least four years now.

Today, I think the first edge of the storm has come.

The first attempt at a bill to "bail out" the failing banks and credit industry has failed to pass the House. Some are blaming a partisan speech, others are blaming the bill itself. Others are too confused to know who to blame yet.

The DOW is, as I write, falling like a body off a Wall St skyscraper (a fantastic urban legend btw.) because no one knows what is going to happen. It currently shows as -627 or -5.6% for the day.

The biggest scare is what happens if there are no institutions willing or able to extend credit to those who need it. If credit dries up, many sectors of the economy will shut down entirely. Paper, shipping, produce, and many other large sectors of the economy operate completely off credit.

And here in the south, things are worse than anywhere. Gas pumps are still running dry in many areas. When you can find it, its over the national average by several cents, and you can expect to wait an hour to two hours for it. Some areas are out totally.

And this is only the leading edge. Trust me.