Manual for postmodern childrearing

Reject all active initiative and make it clear to your child that setbacks are as objectionable as successes, since setbacks are an indispensable component in maintaining the category "success". Accuse the child of attention seeking if it achieves either terrible or impeccable academic results.
Demand that all actions have a self-referential dimension. Remember that children do not do as you say; children do as you do. You should thus perform the following speech act: "All actions hereafter are self-referential, hence this speech act."
Each time the child shows signs of perceiving something in the world as a category, lock yourself in the bathroom and switch off the light, so nothing is visible. Place your child in a military academy to demonstrate the consequences of absolute concepts.