So many of you, loyal readers, may be wondering why over the last few weeks my blog has turned into NewsFilter with the last posts. The answer is simple: I haven’t had much that I wanted to say on my blog.
Do not take this to mean that I have had nothing on my mind, far from. I simply have been hesitant to discuss certain things here, because of the diversity of readers I seem to have accumulated recently. Strange, isn’t it, that a person as open as myself is hesitant to hide things from her readers because she fears repercussions of revealing certain things which have been on her mind.
I admit, I am unusually open as a person, at least about things most people would consider to be private matters. I make no secret of my physical and mental health, excluding a few very private matters, nor do I tend to hide my feelings about and towards people. If I am pissed at you, you know it fairly quickly. If I am your friend, you know it, and are well aware of it. At least, that is how I try to deal with everyone – exactly as I want others to deal with me. No bullshit, no false fronts – just give me the real thing.
Yet now, I have things on my mind that only a handful of you know about. My empathy is returning, slowly as if someone were turning up the gain knob on my sensitivity. Along with it, my EM sense is increasing. I am starting to find florescent lights uncomfortable to be around again, as well as unshielded electrical wires. With this, I find myself wondering if other things are going to return. Those of you who know what I am talking about will know why my apprehension is so strong. Those of you who don’t – if I feel you need to know, I will tell you.
Other, more worldly things are on my mind as well. Politics at the student organization are becoming interesting again. The one who took my job has given it up. My anger, while withheld, is still quite sharp when I think about the process with we went through last year. I charged him with protecting the organization, as I had done in the position. Instead, he gives it up, in favor of other activities. That is, in my book, an act of a dishonorable man. Yet, on the other hand, I know he does not mean harm to the organization, and he is a good man, on the whole. My anger is unjustified, I know, and it stems from my bitterness towards the whole situation. But still, justified or not, the anger is still there.
Yet on the other hand, I am rather proud of my actions in dealing with a replacement. The dear boy who has been our back end developer and Director of Development (don’t you just love that title?) has been named the new Technical Director. Our Director spoke with me, pussyfooting around the question, wanting to make sure I didn’t want to try for the job. I would, were it not for the other person wanting the position. He deserves it, far more than I do. His accomplishment in the short term has done far more to further Rampway than anything else ever has since its founding. And so I bowed out, simply and straight forwardly. And I feel that was the most honorable thing to do.
This has been quite an entry, hasn’t it? Some of you are probably thinking that this is nonsensical. Some of you are probably worried, wondering how these things will affect you. Do not worry, please. This is simply me trying to get some things off of my chest, and onto the blog. And I know you all were so looking forward to a long entry like this.
Heh.