More Than This

i woke up and the world outside was dark
all so quiet before the dawn
opened up the door and walked outside
the ground was cold

Where have I been? I don't know, where have I been? Off in thought, unable to write. Drinking absinthe, able to write but unable to put up what I've written because its not finished yet, damn it, and I'm not about to put up another bit of still birthed floatsoame. So this has sat fallow, waiting for me. And now, at last, I think Ive got something I can say here, that wolnt be trite, or sweet as treacle, or bitter as the afterburn of a morning star.

i walked until i couldn’t walk anymore
to a place i’d never been
there was something stirring in the air
in front of me, i could see

Its cold now, its gone winter, at last, in full. The air bites at you, freezes any false intentions to your skin and breaks them off like ice. Its wonderful to be able to wear my coat, and scarf, and not be too hot outside. At last, I wear my second skin, and I feel alive again. The wind howls, and I howl back at it, waiting for the full of winter to rise like the frost wolf it is.

it started when i saw the ship go down
i saw them struggle in the sea
and suddenly the picture disappears
in front of me

So, for those of you who dont know, I seem to have aquired a stray cat. My parents started feeding her a while back, and shes now coming in the house on a regular basis. She likes my room. Its nice. Shes small, very fine boned, black with white hind feet and a white tux stomach. Her tail has been broken in the past, and healed badly. Hence her name: Kinkie. Yeah, I know, its bad. But shes cute. Way too cute.

now we’re busy making all our busy plans
on foundations built to last
but nothing fades as fast as the future
and nothing clings like the past, until we can see

I've been dealing with interesting things lately. Yet more affimation of my refusal to become a savior to anyone. I cant save any of you, hell, I cant even save myself. None of you want me to save you, you dont need me to save you. So fuck it if im going to expend the energy on something that I cant do. Only you, you yourself, can save you. I know none of you have asked me to, but I still feel, still want to, save you. And there are others, beyond those who I've mentioned here. I care about you all, but there is only one person I can save. ME.

much more than this
way beyond imagination
much more than this
beyond the stars
with my head so full
so full of fractured pictures
and i’m all there
right next to you
so much more than this
there is something else there
when all that you had has all gone
and more than this
i’m alone
feeling so connected
and i’m all there right next to you

That was too harsh, I know, but i had to say it. I'm sorry. I am doing fairly well, dispite what that seemed like. Each and every one of you, I am thankful for, whether I know you read this blog or not. And thats what today is about. Being thankful. I am thankful, I am grateful, for each and every one of you, dear readers. You may not know it, but I am.