I'm trying to stay awake. If I go to sleep now, I'll only wake up at 3 am and not be able to get back to sleep. I'm listening to The Matrix Revolutions sound track, trying to relax, and let myself drift. NeoDammerung playing currently, and my thoughts are drifting like a cork on a sea. Thinking about people, wondering about things, missing my Erik, feeling the mixture of illness and lack of sleep boggle my brain.
Why now does my difficulty with spoken language return? What has triggered this sudden return of this old handicap? Why do I feel this urge to pick up my sword and carry it with me constantly, not to defend myself, but simply to have it with me, to have its weight on my hip? And why these flits of rage, frustration with the whole of humanity, when I strive to find tollerance of them all?
They are animals, really, and all I see are their mindless repetitive actions which hurt each other, drive each other to the point of madness, one way or another. Conform to the flock which you are a part of, from 'normal' to 'deviant'. No human does not conform in some way, some how, to what is expected of them to be. Its what we are.
But why are they so mindless? Why do they hurt each other so much, so unthinkingly? And worse, why do they hurt themselves? Even with all the pain they inflict on each other, is it not enough for them? We all carry a lifetime of scars, our memories, is it not enough unless some of them are self inflicted?
Why don't you people see that if you just opened your eyes, you could find what it is you seek? It has always been here for you, you simply have to take of the blinders of this empty existence and see with your own eyes. But that is so easy to say, and so hard to do. "From delusion lead me to truth / From darkness lead me to light /From death lead me to immortality." Why must you all keep hurting yourselves? And why must I suffer, unable to do anything to stop the sensless torture you inflict on your own flesh and souls?
Empathy is a curse, a torment, a blessing beyond immortality and wisdom. I feel as you all, I suffer as you all: I know again your joy, your pain, your love, your lust, your envy, your pride, your dreams, your fears. I remember now. I remember this.
Eat of the lotus, forget thy self, and remember what you are.
Why now does my difficulty with spoken language return? What has triggered this sudden return of this old handicap? Why do I feel this urge to pick up my sword and carry it with me constantly, not to defend myself, but simply to have it with me, to have its weight on my hip? And why these flits of rage, frustration with the whole of humanity, when I strive to find tollerance of them all?
They are animals, really, and all I see are their mindless repetitive actions which hurt each other, drive each other to the point of madness, one way or another. Conform to the flock which you are a part of, from 'normal' to 'deviant'. No human does not conform in some way, some how, to what is expected of them to be. Its what we are.
But why are they so mindless? Why do they hurt each other so much, so unthinkingly? And worse, why do they hurt themselves? Even with all the pain they inflict on each other, is it not enough for them? We all carry a lifetime of scars, our memories, is it not enough unless some of them are self inflicted?
Why don't you people see that if you just opened your eyes, you could find what it is you seek? It has always been here for you, you simply have to take of the blinders of this empty existence and see with your own eyes. But that is so easy to say, and so hard to do. "From delusion lead me to truth / From darkness lead me to light /From death lead me to immortality." Why must you all keep hurting yourselves? And why must I suffer, unable to do anything to stop the sensless torture you inflict on your own flesh and souls?
Empathy is a curse, a torment, a blessing beyond immortality and wisdom. I feel as you all, I suffer as you all: I know again your joy, your pain, your love, your lust, your envy, your pride, your dreams, your fears. I remember now. I remember this.
Eat of the lotus, forget thy self, and remember what you are.
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