.Strange

I woke up in the middle of a dream
surrounded by a million biological machines
but I think that they're all
breaking down

I dreamed last night of hunting a Great Old One, Yog-Sothoth, one of many hunters working towards the same goal. Some of us worked together, but only for a time. One of us would be the One who would kill it, and only one. Impressions of wandering through wood panneled coridors, an old house, Elizabethan style castle, searching for the Old One. It was in the house, somewhere.
I found it, and killed it, though I don't remember how. A yellow puddle of ooze was all that was left. I woke.

so I'm looking for a path that leads beyond this single node
the simple motivation makes my destiny unfold
the reign of these meat machines
growing old

Working, most of the day, on my specimen descriptions. Kangaroos and Wallabies, working on them today, getting the descriptions writen. Turning them in, tomorrow. The professor bitched me out over the last draft, but I just didn't find the problems he said he saw. I guess I'll have to see the results of what he does to this draft. I think he's getting annoyed with me, not sure why though.

(it's so strange to me - but it has to be)

Am I coming to be resented by the graduate students? The whole class? I can feel it, see it in their eyes. Is it just my paranoia, or am I really being that bad? I'm afraid of being seen as pretentious, but I only want to be seen as an intelectual equal by those who I am on par with.

I woke up in the middle of a scream
tearing down the walls of this implemented scene
the answer to a simple question
just out of reach

I want very much right now to do something nice for someone I know who has very little nice in their lives. But its not my place to do such a thing, nor should I really. A small token, something, anything, to see them smile again, like they did the other day. But I have to find a way to do it that doesnt get taken the wrong way, by anyone.
People shouldn't make themselves hurt like they do. There is enough pain already in the world, without inflicting more on yourself out of self loathing.

the smell of plastic wires still burning in my head
seductive siren calls of the ones who want me dead
information is the endless hunger that must be fed
I must be fed.

I got the Tickets today. KMFDM, on the Blood Moon, this weekend. I'm so eager, but I'm not building myself up for anything. No expectations, no plans, nothing. I'm just going to let the event happen, let it be how it is going to be. What happens happens.

(it takes me now for everything that I've got left to give - I'm so happy to give it away it's the reason I have to live)
Once, I gave selflessly to my beloved because I felt I had to. Now I give selflessly because I want to. And its better, its different, its wonderful. Sure, people suck, and I want to kill them for the hurt they cause others. I want to kill them for any number of reasons.

there's something strange happening to me
something is upgrading my biology
there's gonna be a change in the way that you see
and it's coming to a close because
it's happening to me.

I went looking for an answer, to how to make my love happy - and I know the only way I can do it is to try. So I will.