without the mask
where will you hide
cant find yourself
lost in your lies

I try so hard to be what everyone expects of me. Smart, clever, intelegent, understanding, empathetic, all of those things they think I am, think I should be. But when the mask slips, and even an edge of the shadow under it is visible, they recoil in horror, recoil away from me. And then worse, they berate me for having disapointed them. I try so hard to keep that mask in place, to keep in check the anger and the rage, the disgust and the loathing, the jellousy and hate which boils behind this face of humanity and civility. But it does slip, and when it does, even for a moment, the horror under it is enough to drive the world away from me, even those who call me friend.
Am I really that much of a monster, underneith all this facede of human skin?
Do I really want to know the answer to that?
Dont I already know the answer to that?
Shame, degridation, self torment - these are how the mask must be held in place. This false human nature is imposed on me by myself out of fear of what would be thought of me were I to ever let go of it. I would lose everything. Everything.
So I smile at those that disgust me, I hide behind eyes that speak sympathy to those who I condem, I laugh when rage consumes me, I befriend those whom my jellous heart loathese and loves. And that is how I survive. Until the mask slips again, and the rage boils up, or the loathing spills out, and I say or do what I really think and feel. And one day... I'll lose it all because of it.

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I dont love you any more...