Break time, between classes. A sort of vauge depression is clinging to me, a sence of helplessness and boredem since my defining trait of personality exterior to myself, Shingami, is malfunctioning. No longer am I the "Geeky girl in the corner with the laptop that has all the neat modifications to its OS" but now I am the "frumpy looking chick in the corner with the computer she doesnt know how to use which is broken" - maybe I read too much into the looks other people give me, or maybe I am too self critical, too expecting of people to judge me poorly. Dreading going to my C++ class - the professor looks sharp, and I'm afraid he may be one of the sort who has the "girls cant be geeks" attitude. Worse still, what if he is a Chix0r geek, who thinks the only role of women in IT is to be cute and pester their boyfriends to fix their computers.
Ahhhrrrrgggghhh. Too many unknowns, and too much Geek and Academic Ego getting in my way. I want to work on my web site. I want to work on fan fic, I want to work on anything! Just give me something to do other than write responce papers for BioMed Ethics and use other people's computers.
Speaking of BioMed - dreadful things are affoot. Someone I have avoided at all costs is in the class, a certian someone from my past who I still deeply loath, though now on a much more fundamental than direct level. An entire semester of him in a Philosophy class.... with him sitting RIGHT in front of me, thanks to the location of the only two power outlets in the room. I can only hope he can Feel the hot glare of distaste borring into the back of his head, right into his Lamdoidal sutures, urging them to fuse and SQUISH his brain until it oozes out his ears.
Did I ever mention the advantage of being a BioAnth geek is being able to invision all sorts of grotesque ways for people to die?