So I had an odd experience tonight.. something I dont really know how to discribe. After the rampway update, a group of us went out for coffee and food, and spent a long while just talking. It was a sureal feeling for me, because, on the one hand, I felt very much a part of the group, but on the other hand, I feel isolated from them by necessity.
Yes, I trust these people... but how far can I trust them? How much do I open up, how much do I say? They seem genuinly open towards me, genuinly friendly and welcoming, dispite everything. Yet... Something in me doesnt want to trust them.
Perhapse its that I fear a simmilar betrayal from them as I experienced from Matt - a shaming waiting to occur if I slip up. Or perhapse I am afraid that they are threats to me regaining my possition at Rampway. But are they? Are they even aware of these thoughts?
I am confused.

A feeling suffuses, heart, soul and flesh
warm cider and cloves, dim wood glow
at this round table without an Aurthur
Are you each what you seem to be,
or am I what I seem to you to be?
Empty cider glass, shavings of cinimon
one last lonely clove - am I this?