Dreaming of Nothing

Bored today. Annoyed at several aspects of the world. Confused by politics that do not mean to be political. Or do they? It's often times so difficult to always question people's motives, to wonder what they are thinking as they do the things they do, say the things they say. Especially when, in my heart, I want to trust their intentions and motives. When the only face I have ever seen is one of perfect honesty and truthfullness, how can I suspect there may be something else?
The answer, is unfortunately, that experience has taught me never, ever to trust the first face I see. Where I see compassion there is usually selfishness, where I see caring there is often cruelty - yet the reverse is also true. Often those who put forth the hardest walls against the world have the softest hearts. And those who are the most compationate on the surface - well, I have seen what lays under those calm waters just as well.
One day... maybe, maybe, I can aproach the world with the open trust others have. That once someone has shown they are trustworthy, I will always trust them. But for now... Only those who have crossed that one threshold are those I trust... and even they can betray and hurt - those most of all.

I wonder if the ones I'm talking about even read this, or if they know I am talking about them.
If you know, perhapse, you should say something.

Have I...
kaonidorowonuru...
I do not know... ichibun... have I forgotten what I taught myself?

*tameiki*