Ok, so as you may have noticed, loyal readers, there has been little or no info on my personal life. Here and now, as an old friend used to say, here and now, we shall get into that.

Monday was very odd for me. I have not been in that sort of mood in a long time, and the severity of it rather upset me. What sort of mood? Well, ever wondered what the thought patterns of a predator are like? I can tell you. It's a very odd thing to regard your fellow man as prey. It's even odder when you start regarding close friends as such. But, as all things go, that passed, and I have calmed down quite a bit thanks to some much missed positive attention.

Go slowly, Strixus, my friends warn me - I am listening, but at the same time I am scared of going too slowly. I'm fighting the guilt and winning, learning how to hold my own again has not been easy. But at the same time, I know my friends worry about me. I worry about me. Obsticle after obsicle - be it in my own attempts at making sence of my life, or in the relationship - have been overcome. But there are still so many more.

I do have to make one small rant here. Help is not easy to get if you arent in danger. Our culture has lost the sence of preventative health matinance. All I can do is push on. But it makes me question how worth the time of these "professionals" I am. And my own self worth is something I have allot of issues with.

Am I the lamb offered as sacrifice, am I the man holding the killing blade, or am I the god to whom the lamb is offered? Or somehow, am I all three?