A Moment of circular logic...

Only a monster could hurt the one they love. But I am not a monster, for I feel guilt and remorse for what I've done. How much ruination have I brought into the world? How much evil, how much darkness? How much easier would it be if I felt no pain for all of this, if I were this beast, this creature of numbness. But I must numb myself to offer comfort, to keep that which I have wronged in my life. In being numb I feel no pain at the words slung at me - monster, beast, vile, disgusting. Without that pain, I feel no guilt, no remorse. So I am this monster you wanted me to become?

I will not be this beast. I AM NOT THIS BEAST.
But that is all I am.